How To Make A Monstrosity

In life, I expect a pretty good number of movies to be re-made. Some remakes are done pretty well, such as Dawn of the Dead, The Thing, The Fly, and The Birdcage.
Other films, such as The Fog, The Pink Panther, Planet of the Apes, and Psycho were re-made without reason, and the newer version becomes an abomination serving no purpose except to piss off an entire audience. If the original movie can't be improved upon in any way, then don't bother trying to make it again. Leave it the fuck alone.

I'm talking to you, Rob Zombie. I can't believe the audacity of this man, thinking doing a remake of Halloween is a good idea. If he is such a hard core fan of the genre, he of all people should know better than to go and fuck around with such a classic film. This is proof for me that Mr. Zombie doesn't have an original idea in his head when it comes to making movies.
House of 1,000 Corpses was a blatant rip-off of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and The Devil's Rejects was one of the worst movies I have ever seen. I think I might know some people who will disagree with that last statement, but I'm sorry; the dialogue was shit ("I am the devil, and I do the devil's work.") and the "tutti-fuckin'-fruity" scene made me want to rip my eyes out and throw them at the screen. Fuck you, Rob Zombie. Fuck you in your stupid ass.

Not Even a Wedding Cake

This girl that works for us up at the store comes in to work the other week and announces that she got married the night before. She and her boyfriend had a shotgun wedding in front of the Justice of the Peace and made their vows to be together forever. She is 20 years old. Her husband is 18. Her husband is also still in fucking high school. Apparently not a whole lot fazes me anymore because all I said when I heard this was, "That's nice. Congratulations, I guess."



Skipping ahead a few weeks...

We get an application in the store from some guy looking for a part time cashier gig. One of our other managers looks it over and says, "I think this is whatshername's boyfriend or husband or whatever." Long story short, we can't hire the kid if his wife is working in the same building. I don't really think twice about it because his application kind of sucked anyways. A few days later she stops me and the following conversation takes place...

Her: "If Whatshisname can't work here, can he still apply at another location?
Me: "Hold on. Who are we talking about?"
Her: "My boyfriend."
Me: "Is he your boyfriend or your husband?"
Her: "Sorry. My husband. I still keep in the habit of calling him 'boyfriend' because my parents still don't know."
Me: "Are you serious? Don't you think your mom will be even more upset if she finds out you got married and have BEEN married for however long without telling her? I'd be pissed. Never mind. It's none of my business. Yes, he can apply at another store, but he can not work at this location."
Her: "Okay. I didn't know that was an issue since we don't live together."
Me: "..."