Friday, September 05, 2008

The Age Old Question


I've been buying a lot of Molson Canadian beer lately, not only because it is delicious, but because they have been putting "would you rather" style questions on the labels. I pulled out a bottle when I got home this evening from a lousy day at work and immediately read the question that would make me ponder the answer for way longer than any query on a beer bottle should.

"Would you prefer to be a vampire or a werewolf?"

Lets think on this for a minute. What versions of these creatures of the night are we talking about? Is the vampire a hideous recluse like Nosferatu or a suave bachelor who gets the next door neighbors teenage girlfriend like in Fright Night? Do I mope around and go through my undead existence with nothing but sorrow and regret like an Anne Rice character, or do I live a rock n' roll lifestyle and start a gang of vampires with bitchin' hair and dangly earrings like the Lost Boys? Is there a young blonde girl skilled in the martial arts who will stake me as soon as I claw my way out of my grave, or do I get to shape shift into bats and wolves and shit?

Now lets weigh the werewolves. This is a slimmer category, to be sure. Am I going to lose all control and let the beast inside me take over when the moon is full so I wake up naked in the zoo with no fucking idea what happened the night before,
or can I change whenever the fuck I want to and I'd pretty much be the same as when I was human, only I'd be really good at basketball? Do I get to keep the enhanced hearing and sense of smell while I'm in human form? Does it hurt when I morph? In the movies it always looks like it hurts.

My answer to the question after much speculation is this.

It depends.

If we're talking Lost Boys, Fright Night, or Dracula, I'll take the vampire no question; but I'd choose the wolf over the other vamps. Even if I have to lock myself up for 3 or so nights of the month, at least I can live a semi-normal life otherwise. Besides, werewolves are mortal when it comes down to it. I'm not how well I would cope with immortality. Seems like blood would get wicked old after about a month. At least werewolves can get a cheeseburger or a decent steak when the craving hits.

This was all because of a beer label.