Oh...Shit.

When the train pulls up to the designated stop, there is a small gap between the train and the platform; maybe six inches. We were on the train the other night when a woman, attempting to walk on board, drops her phone, which falls perfectly through the gap onto the tracks under the train. All she could do was stare at all the passengers with her jaw dropped and a look that clearly said, "no fucking way that just happened." She stood on the platform and held that look as the doors of the train closed and we pulled away from the station.

Walking Around, Looking Around

This morning, the wife and I went out to hit a really bitchin' deli we found the other day. Driving was necessary to get there, so we took a deep breath and got in the car. There's a couple of reasons why I am nervous about driving here. One is that the streets don't make any fucking sense whatsoever. They start out as a two lane, then merge down to one for about a block, then expand back to two. Half the streets are one way, and the other drivers on the road are all fucking crazy. Luckily I only almost killed us once. I'm not sure if this is something that I'll get used to, or if I just give up on driving all together. We'll see.

After we got back, I dropped the wife off so she could do some reading and I went down to the trains so I could check out Chinatown. I'm not sure if I just went the wrong way out of the station, but Chinatown kinda sucked. Nothing there really notable at all except for a really creepy looking porno store which I did not go inside. I kept walking and found a street called Newberry which was lined with shops and stores. What I want to know is, why is it when you have lived somewhere for a while, nobody asks you for directions, but when you are brand new to a place, everyone thinks you know what's going on? I was stopped by no fewer than five people while I was walking asking how to get somewhere or where the nearest station was. I guess I was doing a good job not looking like a tourist, which is kind of what I was going for. I walked and shopped for a while until I found my way to the Boston Public Library, which is the biggest library I've ever seen in real life. Across the way from the library was a little area with tents set up where a small farmers market was going on. I perused the tents, resisting the urge to buy a fresh pie or loaf of bread because I figure this sort of thing goes on all the time, I'm sure and I sure as hell didn't want to walk around with a pie in one hand. I found a really neat little wine store called Best Cellars and picked up a bottle for the wife and headed back home. The best thing is that I was outside walking around for at least four hours and never once broke a sweat. I'm pretty sure I'm going to get my ass handed to me come winter, but I'm going to brag about the summer while I can.

We're going to watch the Red Sox play this evening at a sports bar across the street from Fenway. The sports fan thing is very new to both the wife and myself, so it'll be interesting to see how well we do.

Let's start again for the first time

I swear, I swear, I swear I am going to keep up with this. I know I've said it before, but this time I mean it.

The wife and I just packed our stuff and moved to Boston. I plan on logging this adventure, which is why I am now so adamant about making an entry more than twice a year.

It all started when the wife got accepted into law school. I asked for a transfer, we sold our house, moved in with the in-laws for about a month, threw the cats in the car and proceeded to make the four day trip.

The trip was actually pretty enjoyable. We broke it up fairly well so we wouldn't subject the cats to too much car time at once, and we got to experience some nice local eateries in the evenings. We got into Boston on Tuesday and made it in to our new apartment. This place is very cool, though I can't get past the hotel feel it has. I say this because it's a high rise apartment. We're on the eighth floor, so we have to take the elevator up to our place. The door is even weighted like a hotel room door. We don't have our stuff yet, either, so living out of a suitcase at the moment doesn't help the feeling that we don't really live here. I think once our furniture arrives and we can sleep in an actual bed it will begin to feel a bit more like home.

I took the train to my new store today to introduce myself and see how easy the train ride would be. I really hate to have to drive to work, mainly because I'd have to go straight through Boston proper, which is just asking for death.

The train was easy and I made it to my store just fine. My new boss actually seems decent, but the store on the other hand is a wreck. Apparently, the manager before him let the store go to shit and beyond, complete with a mouse infestation and some really colorful employees. I'm sure I'll be able to write more about the cashier with the 8" long fingernails and the employee with Tourettes down the line.

Tomorrow the wife wants to study a bit, so I'm going to get out of her hair and explore downtown a little. We'll see how that goes.

The Most Embarrassing Thing I've Done All Week

After work I went over to the gym to get in a workout and miss traffic simultaneously. I was somewhat excited because I just bought a swim suit the other day so I could try swimming laps as a form of cardio instead of the normal treadmill type stuff I've been doing. I went into the locker room and donned my new trunks, put my glasses in my locker, grabbed my towel and went to the pool. I haven't been swimming in I don't know how long, and I must say...I don't remember it being this hard. By my sixth lap I was exhausted, but made it to the other side of the pool and somehow managed to only swallow three good mouthfuls of pool water on the way. I got out feeling disoriented and slightly sick, grabbed my towel and began to dry off a bit.

Now remember, I left my glasses in my locker, and without them I'm more or less like Velma in the Scooby-Doo cartoons. So I wander into the locker room and make it to the shower area when I start to wonder why the showers are suddenly on the opposite side from where they usually are. I pause for a moment and try and figure this one out when it hits me.

I was in the women's locker room.

Not only was I in the women's locker room, I was in the women's shower area. I spin around and as stealthily and quickly as a pervert ninja I disappear back through the doorway and slink around the corner into the MEN'S locker room. Wondering how they were going to tell me that my membership is revoked for peeping in on the ladies, I changed into my normal workout clothes and walked out onto the floor like nothing happened. I half expected to see a number of women talking frantically with the muscled up trainers and then all turn and point at me as I came out. Luckily, this scenario never came up, and as far as I know nobody saw my blunder. I'm able to live to embarrass myself another day.

The Age Old Question

I've been buying a lot of Molson Canadian beer lately, not only because it is delicious, but because they have been putting "would you rather" style questions on the labels. I pulled out a bottle when I got home this evening from a lousy day at work and immediately read the question that would make me ponder the answer for way longer than any query on a beer bottle should.

"Would you prefer to be a vampire or a werewolf?"

Lets think on this for a minute. What versions of these creatures of the night are we talking about? Is the vampire a hideous recluse like Nosferatu or a suave bachelor who gets the next door neighbors teenage girlfriend like in Fright Night? Do I mope around and go through my undead existence with nothing but sorrow and regret like an Anne Rice character, or do I live a rock n' roll lifestyle and start a gang of vampires with bitchin' hair and dangly earrings like the Lost Boys? Is there a young blonde girl skilled in the martial arts who will stake me as soon as I claw my way out of my grave, or do I get to shape shift into bats and wolves and shit?

Now lets weigh the werewolves. This is a slimmer category, to be sure. Am I going to lose all control and let the beast inside me take over when the moon is full so I wake up naked in the zoo with no fucking idea what happened the night before,
or can I change whenever the fuck I want to and I'd pretty much be the same as when I was human, only I'd be really good at basketball? Do I get to keep the enhanced hearing and sense of smell while I'm in human form? Does it hurt when I morph? In the movies it always looks like it hurts.

My answer to the question after much speculation is this.

It depends.

If we're talking Lost Boys, Fright Night, or Dracula, I'll take the vampire no question; but I'd choose the wolf over the other vamps. Even if I have to lock myself up for 3 or so nights of the month, at least I can live a semi-normal life otherwise. Besides, werewolves are mortal when it comes down to it. I'm not how well I would cope with immortality. Seems like blood would get wicked old after about a month. At least werewolves can get a cheeseburger or a decent steak when the craving hits.

This was all because of a beer label.

Five Questions

The wife was handed five questions from Mob and has asked me to formulate answers of my own here and let the world see them and judge me. Here goes...

1. What got you into the blog world in the first place; was it something you read about, did you know someone who did it, etc?

It would be a horrible lie to even try to say that I have a foot in the blog world. I wander in every few months with a post and hope that my wife tells people that I wrote something new. I would like to get into some sort of steady blogging rhythm, but right now I just really don't have the time or discipline to do so. Maybe after I start working closer to home...IF I ever start working closer to home.

2. What was the first film you bought with your own money to watch over and over again, be it on DVD, VHS, Betamax...and is it a film that you still like today?

The first film I ever owned was given as a Christmas gift...a VHS copy of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, for which I actually do still have a warm nostalgic place in my heart. The first one I bought with my own money, I believe, was The Nightmare Before Christmas. I still watch that one at least once a year and know all the songs by heart.

3. Since celebs always want to speak for the world about how we should be pitching in and saving the world, who would you choose to represent us the best?

Henry Rollins has a way of making a point in such a way that you kinda feel like an asshole if you disagree with him. He has a way with words like no other, and is physically intimidating enough to get the job done.

4. What do you think is the most unlikely comic-book to film translation, the one that no one will ever be able to translate properly? (No fair cheating and naming the existing ones that shouldn't have been made...)

I have two here.

Milk and Cheese is a brilliant comic book, but the content could never be a two hour long feature film.

The other is Lobo. In order to do a Lobo movie with any justice or accuracy, it would be too violent and gory to receive the R rating. In the comics I've seen him stuff a fat man feet first into a toilet until just his head is visible, remove a victim's jaw with his hook, and rip a guy's arm off and beat him with it. But, hey, they've been getting away with some fucked up shit in the movies these days, so who knows.

5. Tell me the type of music that you like least, then tell me the artist from that genre that you find the least annoying. The lesser of two evils, if you will

I have to agree with the wife and say that the modern R&B is the worst thing since Syphilis. I remember working at a music store and it blew my mind to see how many fans R Kelly had. That mother fucker is the most boring, every song is the damn same, makes me want to drill holes into my own head to drown out the music, no talent ass clown I have ever seen with a record deal. The one that I can tolerate the most off the top of my head would be Macy Gray. She's a pretty groovy lady with a smokey voice that I can almost get down with.

There you have it. I'll have a new blog in the next couple of months. Stay tooned!

How To Make A Monstrosity

In life, I expect a pretty good number of movies to be re-made. Some remakes are done pretty well, such as Dawn of the Dead, The Thing, The Fly, and The Birdcage.
Other films, such as The Fog, The Pink Panther, Planet of the Apes, and Psycho were re-made without reason, and the newer version becomes an abomination serving no purpose except to piss off an entire audience. If the original movie can't be improved upon in any way, then don't bother trying to make it again. Leave it the fuck alone.

I'm talking to you, Rob Zombie. I can't believe the audacity of this man, thinking doing a remake of Halloween is a good idea. If he is such a hard core fan of the genre, he of all people should know better than to go and fuck around with such a classic film. This is proof for me that Mr. Zombie doesn't have an original idea in his head when it comes to making movies.
House of 1,000 Corpses was a blatant rip-off of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and The Devil's Rejects was one of the worst movies I have ever seen. I think I might know some people who will disagree with that last statement, but I'm sorry; the dialogue was shit ("I am the devil, and I do the devil's work.") and the "tutti-fuckin'-fruity" scene made me want to rip my eyes out and throw them at the screen. Fuck you, Rob Zombie. Fuck you in your stupid ass.