Vacation All I Ever Wanted
I am back from vacation. I went back to work today, so it's official. Let me sum up the past week.
Thursday morning Lady M and I signed a bunch of papers saying that we are now homeowners. We own a house. We live in a neighborhood on a street with other people who own houses. We are grown-ups now.
Anyways, after the house buying, we ran a few errands then got me to the airport so I could fly to Wyoming. My plane was delayed due to a technical something or other and they weren't sure if it would be able to fly. They might be able to get everyone on another flight or we might have to wait until 9:00pm. As she tells me this, I look at my watch and notice that it is barely 5:00. Thank God they got us on the earlier flight. I make it to Wyoming at around 11:00 and was picked up by my grandfather, my dad, and my brother. We went home and called it a night.
The next day my dad, brother, and I woke up and met my uncle to go fishing. My uncle is one of the toughest men I've ever met. He's a cowboy. He rides horses, herds cattle, grows barley, chews Copenhagen, builds fences, drives a pickup truck, and anything else cowboys do, he does. He reminds me of the character, Gus, from the Lonesome Dove novel. A few years ago his horse threw him and he broke his neck. Legend has it he finished the days work and went to bed and when he couldn't move in the morning he figured out something was wrong. He got rid of that horse.
Back to the fishing trip. We went out on the boat and spent the afternoon on the lake. We caught nine fish and went back to my grandparent's house for a family photo that my mother had set up. We got back early, so we cleaned the fish and changed clothes for the pictures. The photographer shows up and we pose for about thirty minutes and then it's over. My aunt and uncle go back to their place and later we all go over there so we could borrow their four wheelers and my grandfather wanted to borrow one of his pistols for the fishing trip he had planned for us the next day. Apparently the place we were going to go fishing is an area where bears are a threat and he wanted to take the gun with him just in case. He asked my uncle where he should aim if a bear does try and murder us and he responds with, "Aim for the chest. If you shoot him in the head, the bullet will glint off his skull and make him mad." I stood there for a minute to absorb that little bit of information. I later tell my uncle that I ran across a rattlesnake rattle he had given me years and years ago on one of my visits while packing some boxes the other day. My brother asks what the best way to kill a rattlesnake is to which he replies, "It's really hard to shoot a rattlesnake. When they're all coiled up the can feel the reverberations from the gun and actually dodge the bullet. Hitting it with your rope is your best bet." Bears have bullet-proof heads and snakes can use the Matrix. Why do all the scary animals have super powers?
The next day, my grandfather, dad, brother, and I get up and go to a place called Bubba's for breakfast. I got a pancake that was bigger than my plate. Seriously, it sagged over the edges and touched the table. We ate and then drove down to the river where we were going fishing and started walking down the bank. My grandfather had the gun on his hip like Wyatt fucking Earp the whole time. As we walked and fished, we saw a beaver swimming in the river and later came across a badger. I must be way too used to city life because having a badger staring at you from ten feet away seemed really surreal in a way. The fishing trip was a bust. My brother caught one but that was the only luck we had. That was fine, though, because I was enjoying the scenery and cool weather more than anything else.
My last day there, we got up and went to church. Afterwards my parents and I went into town to shop for a couple of hours. Cody is a huge tourist trap so most of the shops are filled with campy t-shirts with a cartoon moose or buffalo on them or cheaply made trinkets and baubles that nobody really wants. There was one store that was wicked awesome, though. It was called the Reindeer Ranch and it had normal decorative things for the house, but it also had a crap load of Christmas and Halloween stuff. Really bitchin' stuff that you can't find anywhere else. I bought the little woman a really keen coffee mug with a girl on it with big springy eyes that reminded me of the Scary Godmother books and it has a little spider hanging off the handle. I also got a crazy looking ceramic bobble headed witch that I had to have. I think the shop is fairly new because I went to the website and they don't have a whole lot listed there which sucks because I was going to link to it here so then at least two more people would know about it.
That night we had the big barbecue to celebrate my grandparent's 60th wedding anniversary. We ate steak that came from cows that my aunt and uncle used to own, looked at old photos, played horseshoes, and watched my two year old nephew do two year old things. The whole trip was spectacular and the only other thing I could have wished for would have been for the wife to be there too. Oh well. I plan on taking her up there one day, hopefully sooner than later.
Thursday morning Lady M and I signed a bunch of papers saying that we are now homeowners. We own a house. We live in a neighborhood on a street with other people who own houses. We are grown-ups now.
Anyways, after the house buying, we ran a few errands then got me to the airport so I could fly to Wyoming. My plane was delayed due to a technical something or other and they weren't sure if it would be able to fly. They might be able to get everyone on another flight or we might have to wait until 9:00pm. As she tells me this, I look at my watch and notice that it is barely 5:00. Thank God they got us on the earlier flight. I make it to Wyoming at around 11:00 and was picked up by my grandfather, my dad, and my brother. We went home and called it a night.
The next day my dad, brother, and I woke up and met my uncle to go fishing. My uncle is one of the toughest men I've ever met. He's a cowboy. He rides horses, herds cattle, grows barley, chews Copenhagen, builds fences, drives a pickup truck, and anything else cowboys do, he does. He reminds me of the character, Gus, from the Lonesome Dove novel. A few years ago his horse threw him and he broke his neck. Legend has it he finished the days work and went to bed and when he couldn't move in the morning he figured out something was wrong. He got rid of that horse.
Back to the fishing trip. We went out on the boat and spent the afternoon on the lake. We caught nine fish and went back to my grandparent's house for a family photo that my mother had set up. We got back early, so we cleaned the fish and changed clothes for the pictures. The photographer shows up and we pose for about thirty minutes and then it's over. My aunt and uncle go back to their place and later we all go over there so we could borrow their four wheelers and my grandfather wanted to borrow one of his pistols for the fishing trip he had planned for us the next day. Apparently the place we were going to go fishing is an area where bears are a threat and he wanted to take the gun with him just in case. He asked my uncle where he should aim if a bear does try and murder us and he responds with, "Aim for the chest. If you shoot him in the head, the bullet will glint off his skull and make him mad." I stood there for a minute to absorb that little bit of information. I later tell my uncle that I ran across a rattlesnake rattle he had given me years and years ago on one of my visits while packing some boxes the other day. My brother asks what the best way to kill a rattlesnake is to which he replies, "It's really hard to shoot a rattlesnake. When they're all coiled up the can feel the reverberations from the gun and actually dodge the bullet. Hitting it with your rope is your best bet." Bears have bullet-proof heads and snakes can use the Matrix. Why do all the scary animals have super powers?
The next day, my grandfather, dad, brother, and I get up and go to a place called Bubba's for breakfast. I got a pancake that was bigger than my plate. Seriously, it sagged over the edges and touched the table. We ate and then drove down to the river where we were going fishing and started walking down the bank. My grandfather had the gun on his hip like Wyatt fucking Earp the whole time. As we walked and fished, we saw a beaver swimming in the river and later came across a badger. I must be way too used to city life because having a badger staring at you from ten feet away seemed really surreal in a way. The fishing trip was a bust. My brother caught one but that was the only luck we had. That was fine, though, because I was enjoying the scenery and cool weather more than anything else.
My last day there, we got up and went to church. Afterwards my parents and I went into town to shop for a couple of hours. Cody is a huge tourist trap so most of the shops are filled with campy t-shirts with a cartoon moose or buffalo on them or cheaply made trinkets and baubles that nobody really wants. There was one store that was wicked awesome, though. It was called the Reindeer Ranch and it had normal decorative things for the house, but it also had a crap load of Christmas and Halloween stuff. Really bitchin' stuff that you can't find anywhere else. I bought the little woman a really keen coffee mug with a girl on it with big springy eyes that reminded me of the Scary Godmother books and it has a little spider hanging off the handle. I also got a crazy looking ceramic bobble headed witch that I had to have. I think the shop is fairly new because I went to the website and they don't have a whole lot listed there which sucks because I was going to link to it here so then at least two more people would know about it.
That night we had the big barbecue to celebrate my grandparent's 60th wedding anniversary. We ate steak that came from cows that my aunt and uncle used to own, looked at old photos, played horseshoes, and watched my two year old nephew do two year old things. The whole trip was spectacular and the only other thing I could have wished for would have been for the wife to be there too. Oh well. I plan on taking her up there one day, hopefully sooner than later.
posted by Corinthian at 9:40 PM
4 Comments:
LOL...oh dude, you have a way of telling a story with wide-eyed innocence that makes me laugh. Mainly because I know you're neither. The trip sounded fun. Glad you made it back without your bride to be crying over what's left of your snake bit and bear mauled remains in a shoe box.
Since you guys are grown-ups now, buy a mini van. Put those stickers on the back that have a soccer ball or cheerleader thingy and a some kids names. Then take some black tape and cross them out. I always thought that'd be funny, but I never had the balls.
Or a mini van.
Knowing my luck I would get my face chewed off by that beaver instead of getting a respectable bear mauling.
Those badgers are mean as shit, didn't you ever read that comic?
Glad you made it back unscathed, my friend.
The Matrix line made me laugh out loud.
work isn't the same without you man.
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